


A Study in Contradiction

by Humbuggy



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: But they're not boyfriends or fuckbuddies, Canon Setting, Canon Universe, Contradiction of Character, Drabble, Established Relationship, Exorcists, In Character, Kanda is not Allen's wife, M/M, Mutual Trust, No Smut, Plausible noncanonical relationship, Sensuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-26
Updated: 2013-03-26
Packaged: 2017-12-06 15:16:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/737126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Humbuggy/pseuds/Humbuggy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kanda was a study in contradiction;  pain and hurt didn't breach his walls, rough treatment even in the throes of passion, would immediately render him untouchable as stone. It seemed so incongrous that Kanda had to be treated so gently, so sensually in regards to sex.</p>
<p>Allen was a layer of masks; beneth his surface faceade, there was a mask, and der that mask there was another layer, then another, then another. </p>
<p>It was a relief to drop those masks around eachother, where it was all sensation and mutual pleasure, and the truth about what it was to feel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Study in Contradiction

**Author's Note:**

> This is just an idea I've had sitting on my laptop for a while. I was going to make it into an actuall fic, but I lost my plot bunny and my interest. So I suppose that I may as well put it up here.  
> I've never seen Allen or Kanda in an actual 'flowers and handholding' relationship in a cannon setting, so this was kind of my way of reconciling that with sex.  
> I've always wondered what it would be like if Kanda did like sex, but it had to be really sensual and gentle to turn him on, but he would be really stoic and not let it appear to affect him.

Kanda was a study in contradiction; he was strong, unbreakable, pain and hurt didn't breach his wall, rough treatment even in the throes of passion, would immediately render him untouchable as stone. But it was still funny that Kanda had to be treated so gently, so sensually in regards to sex. Despite all that his demeanour and temper indicated; rough sex, angry sex, hurry up and fuck me sex, taunting and throwing insults while fucking, would never be something that Kanda would ever appreciate, accept, respond to, or incite. He was stoic even during sex; to be otherwise would be a direct contradiction of his character, but he was not stone. Kanda was a thing of passion, but anger would always be different to lust. Passion was an emotion; they were separate in his mind. Passion was lust sure, but it wasn't anger, passion was sensation and the sensual, the seductive flirt of the exotic, the mutual trust and the exploration of bodies.

 

Allen was a layer of masks; on the surface he was sweet politeness, passive aggressiveness, endearing innocence and regret; the mask below was impulsiveness, anger, the akuma killing exorcist and hate; beneath that mask there was another layer, then another. Mana taught him how to act on stage, hide his true personality and bring out a face for the crowd; Cross taught him how to apply those masks to everyday life and to utilise them for the best effect. The face beneath those layers was card shark and twofaced clown, a person well aware of and well vested in all worldly matters and pleasures, a person darker inside than he perhaps ought to be, and uneasy about trusting too much. 

It is a relief to drop those masks in the bedroom with Kanda, outside those walls they were Kanda the fighter and Allen the exorcist prince who were constantly at each other’s throats and whose hate was a mutual agreement. Inside they were Kanda and Allen without masks and without the need to hide from each other.

In there, all there was sensation and mutual pleasure, two bodies engaged in acts based solely around what it was to feel.

There, all there is soft gasps and sweet encouragement said only in the smallest of tells; Kanda's blown pupils and the way Allen would caress Kanda's hair and kiss the place just under his jaw. It is the building of trust and the slow climb of passion and sensation, of Kanda letting down his barriers and walls around Allen, because that was the only way Allen would trust him enough to let his own masks slip.

It's not a relationship based around dating or scratching itches. They don't hold hands in public and there are no titles for each other, none that fit completely. Lover or partners are closest but without the attached boyfriend tag, husband, wife. They do not take an interest in each other’s running of day to day lives. Kanda couldn't give a fuck if Allen was holding hands with Lenalee or canoodling with Lavi. They are not fuck buddies because what they do is so much more than animalistic fucking. They are lovers, but they are not in love. Yes, they would mourn if the other was to die, but they would get up and keep moving. Neither had promised anything to the other.

It's a strange thing, this arrangement that they have with each other, born out of unspoken agreements and treaties. They don't ask questions, prod or pry. If Allen's sporting bruises that shouldn't be there or cracked masks he can't quite take down, Kanda keeps his face impassive, runs his fingertips over the bruises and breathes the masks away and doesn't ask questions.  
It's the same for Allen; if Kanda is pushes his face into Allen's neck and collar bone or his wounds aren't healing as fast as they should, then Allen cards his hands through Kanda's hair and runs them lightly over Kanda's back, lets Kanda caress his limbs with silk, and says nothing.

At the end of the day when they part ways, nothing is different between them.  
But they were the ones who kept each other sane when everything was broken inside them.


End file.
